Weirdos On The Bus Go Round and Round

So I'm on my way to see Dananananaykroyd and I'm running late, and I need to get there because I'm supposed to be reviewing it for someone who's far more reputable than this blog will ever be. So I'm in a bit of a modd coz I'm miss Dinosaur Pile Up who are the support. But the bus driving is on a bit of a mission so I'm liking that.

On gets some old duffer with about 8 carrier bags. Bus sets off at a rate and sends the old fella stumbling about a bit. Normally I'd be a bit outraged at this coz I love any excuse to hate busdrivers, but I'm in a hurry so this guy can drive like a maniac if he wants just as long as he's moving. The old fella gives him a bit of a look as if to say "I nearly fell over then" but then starts scrabling around on the floor for a free paper. I'm thinking you old fossil just sit the fuck down, nevermind the metro. He picks one up and makes his way to the back ofthe bus and sits in the opposite corner to me. Sitting down he sees the back seat is strewn with free papers and he goes "oooh there's lots of free papers here" so my internal Weirdo alarm is going off now and I'm staring hard out the window. Rule Number 1 avoid contact at all costs.

Few stops later a women gets on, mid fifties I'd say. She's swinging her handbag and singing out loud and comes and sits in the middle of the back seat with a "Oops a daisy" as she sits down. Weirdo alarm goes off again. Two weirdos on one seat, something batty is bound to happen.

Few stops later the old fella starts coughing and the woman breaks rule number 1 by saying "ooh too many cigarettes!" to him. He goes "I don't smoke" to which she replies "Ooh i do" she says it in a way that's like he's just said he doesn't like jam on his crumpets. So I'm thinking two weirdos, but whose the weirdest of these two...well...this is what the old fella said next...

"I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't gamble, never have. When I were sixteen I worked down a mine, I'm a yorkshireman you see. There was a man that worked down the mine, they called him Pendlebury. Anyway one week he took his weeks wages and went into the bookies and placed half his money on a horse. Well that horse came up short. So in he went again and put the rest of his weeks wages on another horse. And that horse came up short. So he went home and told his wife about it, you see he wanted to take his kiddies on holiday, they were going to Cleethorpes. Any road, that night he went and threw himself down the mine shaft and killed his 'sen!"

To which the woman replied "What dead?"

Brilliant that, I thought. The geezer is more mental, anyone can see that, but he won't stop there.....

"I don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble, don't go pictures, don't do bingo, don't do crosswords," Crosswords being the evil twin of gambling of course, "I've read the bible about 6 times and that's where I get my joy from, reading that book."

So he's obviously a weirdo but I feel a bit bad because he's obviously not got much in his life except reading his bible stories and you can't really knock him for that. We sit in silence for afew minutes the woman obviously knows she's beaten, she's number two weirdo on this bus. She engaged him and he beat her down Knock Out delivery round one. She'll maybe learn her lesson now...at this point a sneak a peep and she's pretending to sleep!! But this fellas not bothered and despite the presence of two young girls a few seats away he carries on with a great line ...

"Cut him in half it did, that mine shaft. A man I know who works the bucket said he heard a bang and then the screaming"

It's a sign of the times that we don't strike up conversation with strangers like the olden days (whenever they were). I'm not sure that's a good or a bad thing.I do know that you're probably better off not engaging nutjobs on the bus though and herein ends the lesson.

Oh..yeah made the gig..Danan' were pretty good.