there I see a woman who's a cross between the fat one from Gavin and Stacy and Kelly Osbourne. She's singing rather operatically into two mics and has a keyboard droning along with her. She's got the whole mad
eyes thing going on. Things start to get interesting when she adds some keyboard percussion. Three fake wood block sounds are viciously out of time and it's starting to dawn on me that maybe this isn't whats
supposed to happen. All around I can feel concerned and amused glances from people.
"Does anybody want an animal stuffing?" she asks mid set to a baffled silence. "Has anyone ever seen a dead animal? Has anyone ever killed an animal?? Oh you don't kill animals in Chorlton do you!!" I can feel myself staring into my pint, feel my face blush, this is awkward, really awkward I hear the room collectively sucking through its teeth. "This one's called roadkill" she tells us and off she goes again. I get the feeling she's been told she's got an "amazing" voice hence the operatics and over dramatisations, she hasn't though it's very average. The music is rudimentary and bog-standard, yet appallingly out of time, you can feel people wincing as the loops start to repeat over one another. One song sees her screaming the lament "She's on anti-depressants, she's a sociopath" over and over again whilst slapping her head and staring wild eyed at the audience. Fuck it, I laughed out loud, sorry, but I found it funny.
Then it just goes, and goes in a spectacular fashion. Bemoaning the heat on stage she says "I need some fans, not some sycophants" and tries three times to loop a little guitar line. All her instruments are going through a loop pedal and the mix is terrible. Guitar is barely audible, keyboard deafeningly loud. By now I'm at that stage where I'm not sure if this is the worst or best thing I've ever seen, I'm certainly entertained. In many years time we might all be listening to stuff like this, maybe this is what music in the future will be like, at least I can impress my future friends by telling them I was there at the start of it all. "Where's Wallbirds Pipedrums and Volcano?" She asks referring to the other bands on the bill, obviously distressed that they aren't there to see her. She manages to get the guitar loop going and adds some kick drum, only she doesn't count the drums and she ends up playing 5, the fifth is of course recorded on top of the first and naturally it's just slightly out of time, she repeats the same trick looping a keyboard line. Nice. Then as she puts her guitar down she cracks her head against the microphone. Yup that's looped too!! Then as she's singing the mic falls out of the stand at least a dozen times. There's a moment when she laughs and it sort of relaxes the atmosphere but soon enough she's back raging and finger pointing. "Where's Wallpipes Peacepipes and Volaro??" She cries, "Where the fuck are they!!" The embarrassment is compounded by the two bands (that's Wildbirds and Peacedrums and Volcano!) having just arrived after getting some tea, I hear the scandanavian singer from Wildbirds ask the promoter "Is she drunk?" and weirdly it's the first time I consider this myself. "Fuck Food" says the taxidermist. Quite.
I'm kind of shellshocked. I noticed the bar staff all came up during the set to have a look, so I'm guessing that words gone around and I'm not the only one feeling the vibes. "That sounds horrible" I hear the curly haired barmaid tell the one who looks like Elliot from Scrubs. Outside I see a guy I vaguely recognise and I'm on the cusp of asking him "what all that was about" or some such hilarious opening gamut but thankfully i don't because five minutes later he's stood with the taxidermist they're obviouslyfriends. Close shave!!
Volcano! sorted me out. Singer looks like a skinny Bill Murray it's him on guitar, a drummer whose mouth hangs wide open when he's playing and a guy hunched over a keyboard and a laptop. Drums and guitar pound a mixture of hardcore stomps and jazz influenced breaks whilst the third member produces a frightening range of squeals, rumbles and glitchs that twist from floor shaking bass to ear piercing treble. It's brilliant. Opener from the last album "Performance Evaluation Shuffle" thunders through stops and starts, shifts in melody and tempo. There's something afrobeat about the guitar lines, twiddly high pitched and at odds with
the thrashing drums overly complicated and wonderful for it. They throw in a version of Otis Readings 'I've Been Lovin' you' and make it there own, stopping mid song and declaring "We're gonna skip to the next part
of the song now" and thrashing out the chords while an undercurrent of digital bass and buzz trembles the fixtures and fitting..two girls get the fright of their lives when the fairy lights fall from the roof on their heads. The gig is slightly spoiled by the family of toffs behind me, looks like two oldies and a son. The son is reviewing the gig as we go along in a voice that's way too loud for public usage, so all I can hear at one point is him going "Awesome, this is the best thing I've ever heard, it's so funky like acoustic ladyland but funky..not as scatty, this is marvellous, a little bit King Crimson in places" Obviously I want to kill the ruddy faced twat, push his pint of organic homebrew into his toff face and get him the hell out of there. "Oh god that sounds like an hallucinagenic nightmare" he declares of one songs intro, "Sounds like bad come down" says one of his chums who has to be in his fifties. I wonder how much acid gets consumed out in the country and maybe I should schedule a visit. Volcano! end the short but magnificent set with the killer "Africa Just wants to have some fun" it's essentially all the tricks in their bag in one 6 minute song. It's incredible, they're incredible.
Wildbirds and Peacedrums are a two piece. One guy on drums, a girl on a steal drum. Never really thought that'd work as a line up and I'm still not convinced. It's pretty, it's nice. It's pretty nice. Cute in places. She's small and pretty hot although she's a got a look of the Winehouse about her, at one point she steps off the specially constructed stage and into the crowd and starts singing. People who are into this sort of thing call it enchanting and intimate. I think it's a bit creepy and weird. The audience is here for this, they're twee ...of course they are this is the oppressingly liberal lefties of Chorlton we're talking about! The last song is easily their best it's got a catchy melody and I recognise it from their myspace. She sings and plays a wood block, he
drums. I find myself wondering how much they practice...how often do you need to rehearse the wood block?? I'm not sure, but at least this one was in time.
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